So one of the things I’m finding difficult to deal with as I travel is parting ways with people. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve crossed paths with some super rad people during my travels.
Today really got me. Today was the last day that I was able to see someone I really care about. I honestly thought I would be ok, but damn, I can’t stop crying. Honestly it makes me feel super lame. It got me thinking how I pretty much cry whenever I have to part with someone that I’ve made a strong connection with.
I can’t help it, I’m emotional! When I left home and my best friend Natalie, I cried for days. I cried when I had to part with my friend Simone in Japan. She visited me in Bangkok and I cried again when she left. I bawled when my friend Suraya also had to leave after her second visit with me. It’s definitely up there as one of the worst parts of travelling.
I think that this is normal, this feeling of loss. This uncertainty regarding if you are going to ever see or connect with that person again or not. I don’t think it is amplified by my anxiety, I believe this is how everyone feels. All my anxiety dictates is how I deal with it. When someone I care about leaves, I get nervous; scared; uncertain about my own plan and goals; I get this empty feeling inside; and I can see the darkness, it beckons me.
So here is another thing I have learned: you need to always be working at keeping your anxiety in check or it can take over your whole being all over again.
There are a few things I do that help calm and ground myself. I talked about pushing my own boundaries before and how that helped me to suppress the constant panic attacks. The second thing I did was start meditating. Now I’m not an expert by any means but my friend Michael suggested this app called Headspace, which is designed to guide their users through different meditation techniques and cycles. Although I don’t use the app anymore, I do still apply a lot of the techniques that I learned. For example, I like to visualize a point when I was really happy and put myself there. See, hear, feel that moment and breathe–of course. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathe.
Your own pursuit to happiness should be walked alone, but that doesn’t mean you need to be lonely. I’ve noticed since battling my anxiety, travelling, and becoming happier with myself, I’ve made these stronger relationships; which in turn heightens the good times and the good byes. All things considered, I think the best thing to do is to continue living our own lives and hope our paths will cross again; accept that it’s just not our time right now and continue on my own journey.